(2) Thought Challenging

It is very hard, if not impossible, to change our feelings. However, behind every feeling, whether we are aware of it or not, there is some thought- something that we are consciously or unconsciously saying to ourselves. For example, when you are feeling happy, it may be because deep down you are saying to yourself: " I'm very good at my job." When you are feeling miserable it may be because you are thinking " Everyone at work hates me." While we are often not sure of out thoughts, there is nearly always some thought underlying every feeling.

When we become anxious our thinking can become irrational. We see the world in a negative light and seem to only notice the bad things in our lives. Our minds also seem to exaggerate how bad things are. One person is rude to us and we think " Everyone hates me." We stuff up once and say " I'm hopeless at everything." To reduce our stress we need to challenge these thoughts so that we think about things more realistically. We can ask ourselves: "Does everyone really hate me?" Then we need to answer ourselves by concentrating on the positive aspects of the situation- e.g: "Well, that person was rude to me, but perhaps they were just in a bad mood. Anyway I know that other people like me. Last week some people I know asked me to go out with them after work, they wouldn't have said that unless they liked being with me." In this way the irrational thought is replaced with a more rational thought.

There are three steps to challenging thoughts:

1. Identify the thought. Ask what thought underlies this feeling e.g. "I'm going to be late for work. I'll get the sack. Everything is going wrong for me."

2. Challenge that thought by asking questions like:

Is my mind exaggerating?

What's the worst thing that could happen? How bad would that be?

How likely is that to happen?

What is the most likely outcome?

Do I have any control over it? If not I need to tell myself there's nothing I can do about it and I should focus on things I can change.

Is this something I can put off worrying about? Sometimes there are problems that we can't solve today and we need to allow ourselves to postpone worrying about them. For example

3. Come up with a new more rational thought e.g. Well I guess forgetting one appointment doesn't make me a failure. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. And in fact there are many things I succeed at.

Thought challenging isn't about lying to yourself or pretending that you have no problems. It is a way of looking at the world more realistically and seeing the good as well as the bad.

Important: The above suggestions about coping with stress are general in nature and not necessarily the best approach to any given person's stress problems. If you suffer from significant stress or anxiety problems you should consult a clinical psychologist or other appropriately trained health care professional for advice on the most suitable treatment for your problems. There are specific psychological treatments for specific psychological disorders. The suggestions below refer to coping with everyday stress not psychological disorders. Click HERE for more on coping with stress connected with anxiety disorders.

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